Faithful
by Shelby
Summary: Your basic Collins-goes-insane-after-Angel's-death. Very poetic format if I do say so myself.


Faithful

Faithful

'I was attracted to that man.'

Collins collapsed in a heap onto his bed. A vacant look resided on his face, and brown eyes stared blankly at the wall opposite of him. Arms hung limply at his side, hands lying on the red comforter incoherently balled into fists. 

He had just been taking his daily walk down avenue A, and had passed the old telephone booth. It was no longer in service, having been hit by a drunk sixteen year old a few months earlier. Sitting down by the corner, however, a young man had been sitting with an ecstatic Labrador retriever, vigorously rubbing the space where a floppy ear jointed with golden skull. He wore a gay rights t-shirt, and had dark hair that flounced in his eye on one side. 

'I had slowed down, and stared.' 

_Today for you-_

Collins shook his head, shaking. This hadn't happened. Not since…

_Tomorrow for me-_

This wasn't happening. 

'No.'

It couldn't happen. He had promised. 

He had promised. 

'I promised.'

Promised to be faithful. 

_Forever._

Collins shook, his entire body pulsing in a revolving rhythm of fear. Trembling, he took the picture of Angel from his bed table. 

_Don't-_

His hands quivered violently. 

Amber eyes. 

Amber. 

Seeing.

_Don't forget me._

"Never." Collins whispered, eyes burning with tears. Fingers groped at the smiling face, running over the cheek, hair, and lips. "I wouldn't-not ever."

_Never._

Painful. 

Tom had broken his promise. 

As soon as he had lifted his head and gazed at that youth. As soon as he had let his eyes wander down the slim form, he had broken his promise. 

No.

Never.

"Never again, love anyone but you!" Collins sank to the floor from the edge of his bed, still staring at the picture. 

Anyone. 

No one. 

No one but you.

Him.

Love.

_Today for you._

'Don't do this to me.'

_I'm Angel._

'Angel.'

Everything around Collins was spinning. Room, bed, floor, walls, window, all revolved about him like a carousel gone terribly wrong. He grasped the picture for his life, cradling it to his chest. It had been almost five months. He had been better.

He wasn't supposed to hurt anymore. 

This wasn't the way everything was supposed to go. 

What happened to Fairy Tales? 

_Be my life._

"Shut up!" Collins yelled, clenching his eyes shut as tears streamed from them. "I don't want to hear you anymore! I don't want to think about you anymore!"

Fingers found the edge of the picture.

And tore. 

Pieces fell to the floor, fluttering down like autumn leaves. 

"I hate you! I hate you!" Collins sobbed, tearing another piece off. 

Finally, there was just a pile of shredded photo lying in front of Tom. 

He put his hands on the floor, trying to retain his tottering balance. 

'I can't breathe.'

The last piece fell from his lap. 

_Collins-_

Collins looked down at the pieces. 

Tears slid from his eyes. 

Flooding his cheeks. 

Flooding. 

Inside, his insides pulled. 

And tore. 

Like the photo. 

_Tom-_

He collapsed. 

"I'm sorry!" Collins sobbed, gathering the pieces in his hands and sobbing. They slipped in between his fingers. 

'Angel.'

_How could you?_

"I'm sorry!"

Comfort. 

Collins groped. 

Groped for something. 

His comfort. 

One hand came across it finally. 

Angel's coat. 

In a last will, Angel had stated that his clothing be donated to a charity. Collins had followed to the letter. All the clothing had been taken and shipped away. 

Except the Santa coat. He couldn't bear to give that up. 

It was all he had left. 

Tom held it close, crying, as a young child would with a beloved blanket or teddy bear. 

_Be my life._

Collins buried his head into the coat, soft fur brushing against his face. Tears fell onto the fabric, wetting it profusely. 

_Today for you._

"I'm sorry…"

Another sob. 

He couldn't. 

Breathe.

_"Baby, hold me, please?"_

_"Anything for you Angel."_

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

_"Don't ever forget me."_

_"Never."_

_ _

Never. 

_Today for you._

'Stop. Please.'

_Don't forget me._

'I never will.'

Collins stumbled up, climbing his way to the bathroom. He needed a drink. 

Hot. 

Steaming. 

'No.'

_You'll be my king-_

'Help me.'

He fell to the bathroom sink, staring at himself blankly in the mirror. 

Angel. 

A hand.

Reaching out. 

_You okay honey?_

"No! I'm not okay! I'll never be okay!" Collins forced back sobs, hand falling to the porcelain. 

Suddenly, he turned, and retched, vomiting in the toilet. 

'Help me.'

_Let me help you up._

'Help me up.'

Spinning.

'I'll let you.'

Falling.

_Something as true as this feels._

True. 

Collins struggled, threw up, and sobbed. 

One hand fell to the side of the sink beside him. 

And landed on something. 

_When you're cold and you're lonely._

A razor. 

'Save me.'

_There's a life support meeting-_

'No, not that way.' 

'Be here.'

'Hold me.'

So many-too many memories. 

He threw the protective cover off of the razor, lowering it to his arm. 

Clear. 

For the first time, everything was clear. 

Clearer than it had ever been. 

_Farewell…_

"Don't leave me yet!" 

He sobbed. 

And sliced. 

For a moment, nothing happened. 

Then blood. 

Spilled. 

Red. 

Silence. 

Thump. 

Thump. 

Thump. 

His heart bled along with his wrist. 

Weak.

Weakly, he slashed the other one. 

Pain. 

Angel. 

_I'll never leave you._

'Take me back.'

The warm liquid spilled onto the floor, dripping from his dark skin. 

Tears fell.

Crystalline mingling with scarlet. 

_I'll take care of you._

'Take care of me.'

Help.

Burning. 

Aching. 

Leaving…

Dizzy…

Gone…

Kings and Queens.

Castles and Moats.

_Be my lover-_

'And I'll cover you.'

Collins dragged himself back to the bedroom. Blood seeped down, hardwood floor became stained heavily.   
Tom collapsed n the bed. 

_Faithful._

Always. 

He'd never be unfaithful. 

Angel was his only one. 

The only person to warm his heart. 

The only person who held his hand. 

The only person who he embraced. 

No one else. 

_"I'll always be faithful._"

His vow at Angel's memorial. 

Yes.

Memories.

Too many. 

Warm…

_I'm waiting Collins._

'I'm coming Angel.'

_Come quick._

'As quick as I can.'

_I miss you._

'With all my heart you.'

_Close your eyes._

'Anything.'

_It's all okay now._

'Forever.'

_I love you._

'I love you too.'

'I'll be faithful.'

Collins' head fell back, mouth open, still. 

He did not move. 

He did not breathe. 

He did not feel. 

Pain. 

No more. 

Faithful. 


End file.
